Adventures in "natural medicine"

When we lived in Houston about 8 years ago (has it been that long?), my wife (Mrs. Puff) and I became good friends with a couple at our church. The wife of the couple, Angela, was getting very involved with alternative medicine (mainly herbs and homeopathy) and got Mrs. Puff interested as well.

Well, Mrs. Puff goes out and buys books, herbal supplements, homeopathy, and a rain dance outfit (kidding) just in time for me to succumb to some nasty viral food poisoning.

Side note: it was Mrs. Puff's potato salad served at a "young couples potluck church gathering." Everybody who had the potato salad got sick that night. Shhhh...don't tell her I said that.

I started feeling achy about 10 minutes after we'd gotten home from the gathering. Ten minutes after I crawl into bed I'm running to the bathroom to "purge my body of the offending parasite".....in other words, I threw up. Then I drank some water. Then I went back to bed. Then I ran back to the bathroom. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

In the midst of all this, I develop chills and I cannot get warm. Mrs. Puff immediately consults one of her books and discovers a potential cure my chills.....cayenne pepper pills.

Some time between when she gave me those pills and I actually put them in my mouth it should have occurred to me that since I couldn't hold down water I probably couldn't hold down those pills either. No matter. I took them. Ten minutes later, they came up with the water....however, the pills didn't come up since they'd dissolved......just the cayenne pepper.....along with my cries of "holy crap (wretch), I am on fire (heave)!!!!"

I love spicy food, but there is a big difference when the direction of the spicyness is opposite from the way you typically enjoy it.

Disclaimer: Mrs. Puff is still a heavy practitioner of homeopathy, herbs, and supplements. She has used them on me and the kids and successfully cured all sorts of minor illnesses. I still remain skeptical about homeopathy despite the number of times it has actually worked on me. I am certain my insurance is thankful for how few doctor visits we've had over the past several years even though the bastards won't reimburse me for the stuff.....nevermind. Future post.